Recently one of our siblings was approached by someone who, knowing that she is a bereaved sibling missing her big brother, informed her that it was time for her to “LET GO” .
Our sibling shared this encounter on her Facebook Wall:
“Someone just told me that I need to let my Brother go. Its funny how people who have never been through a loss like mine feel they know enough to tell me how I should feel. This person said that if they were me they would have let it go by now. Well, easy for you to say! Your sibling is still alive and well. Â Gosh… I guess your just stronger then me. He’s my Brother. Death does not change that. Â Death does not take away my love for my BROTHER. I will NEVER let him go. not until the day I die…”
She shared that she had beenÂ having a good day, Â a good week and after this command she Â cried Â most of the night. Â IF this “friend” was “trying to help”, it had the exactÂ oppositeÂ effect!
Some friends may think that by telling we who areÂ bereavedÂ to Â “let go” that they are giving us permission and encouragement to once again embrace and enjoy live. Â But our interpretation Â (and often their meaning) comes across more as
“Get over yourself. I am tired of hearing about it. Â He’s DEAD already. Â NothingÂ is going to bring him back, so LET HIM GO. Â MOVE ON.”
Personally, my first response was that this “friend” was no friend at all and bordered on IDIOT.
But I took a deep breath and pushed away my grieving mom and bereaved sibling heart and put on my TCF Chapter Leader /Â FacilitatorÂ Hat.
Sometimes informing a bereaved person that they SHOULD “Let Go” of “Move on” can be received as pretty insensitive and uniformed.
Why is it that if our loved ones were still living it would be “acceptable” to talk about them, to share memories, stories, even just say their names…..
But not because they have left the earth plane?
We don’t stop loving them just because their bodies aren’t visible!
What does that even mean to that person
” let your Brother go”?
Does that mean to not talk about him?
To pretend that he didn’t exist?
To not miss him?
To not think of him or wish that he were here?
To not feel pain that you can’t hang out with him or pick up the phone and talk to him?
Why is it acceptable for people to talk about living people whom they love, but it makes so many uncomfortable when we talk about loved ones who no longer walk and talk on the plane?
At our April 2012 meeting, we’ll focus on just what those words mean to us and what we think that others are meaning when they give us this command.
One thing we DO know is that we are not going to let anyone “SHOULD ON US” â™¥