IT ISN’T CRAZY TO MOURN THE DEATH OF A CHILD

MAKENZIE MOUSE CHOWDERPOT edge
I know a young mom and dad who carry with them a stuffed Minnie Mouse, which emotionally connects them to their deceased Baby Girl.  Sometimes they take photos of themselves with their now named “Makenzie Mouse”, as if they are taking family shots with their little girl who will never get to be in a family photo.  They have been known to put a lobster bib on Miss Mouse, symbolic of bringing their Baby Girl out to dinner with them.

People, even members of their family, think that they are CRAZY.

They aren’t Crazy, they are Just Grieving.

They know that the stuffed toy isn’t their daughter.  They know, in a hard and painful reality much too harsh for those who don’t live it to understand, that their little one is now cremains in an urn sitting in the room that was intended to be her nursery.  They know that their first born will never go on a family trip, or get to be read stories to, have a baptism, or a first birthday party…

They KNOW.

When they bring their stuffed Makenzie Mouse (a nickname for their little Baby Girl) with them places, they KNOW that it is not their living breathing Baby Girl, because she never had a chance to do either.  It doesn’t matter if there will be other children to share their lives, THIS CHILD matters, IS SPECIAL, IS IMPORTANT and will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be their child. They might carry a stuffed toy, bringing comfort to them, for as long as they want to, but they ALWAYS, and will ALWAYS, carry their deceased little girl in their hearts.

Their daughter’s body ended.
They KNOW that.|
BABY MAKENZIE MOUSE edge

But their relationship with their daughter didn’t end.
Their love for their daughter didn’t end.
Their dreams for their daughter’s should-have-been future remain in every fiber of their pores.

And this is the way it is, Every Day, for bereaved parents.

The bodies of our loved children may be lying in breathless repose on silks in a casket buried under sodden earth, or cremains worn in a pendant around our necks, and the rest of the “civilian world” may view them as Dead, Gone and No Longer, but they Remain Alive in our memories, in our dreams, in our desire and in our hearts.  They are still active parts of our conscious thoughts and decisions.  We think about them every day, just as we would if their lungs still shared the same air on earth we breathe.  It isn’t just missing them on their birth dates or their death dates or every family gathering; they are in our blood, in our love, in every thought behind the thoughts, behind our smiles and our tears; they are just as much as part of us as if they lived.

We ARE, after all, their parents for as Long as We Live,
not just as long as they did.
Makenzie mouse

 

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If you are the parent, sibling, grandparent, friend of a deceased loved one whom you would like to remember and honor
join us for
A BIG GIANT HUG
Connecticut 3rd Annual Statewide Walk to Remember
FREE Day of Community and Caring
Sunday July 21, 2013
Center Springs Park
Manchester, CT
check-in at 11:00
Walk begins at 12:00
FREE Cookout immediately following
Register NOW
Photo T-Shirts are available to RESERVE (ORDER) NOW
Learn More
www.WalkToRememberCT.org

Walk To Remember is a beautiful statewide tribute to the memory of children taken too soon and the strength of those they leave behind.
But it’s so much more than just a shared walk.
From the pot luck picnic to the butterfly release, music to memory boards, it’s a day to celebrate the healing power of the human spirit.
 

Bereaved Parents Join Together

 

BEREAVED PARENT, SIBLINGS, GRANDPARENTS, FAMILY AND FRIENDS
are all invited to join us on

THE THIRD ANNUAL STATEWIDE WALK TO REMEMBER ~
DAY OF COMMUNITY AND CARING

Sunday July 21
Center Springs Park
Manchester, CT
pre-registration requested

WHERE EVERY DECEASED CHILD IS REMEMBERED AND HONORED

Highlights from our
First CT STATEWIDE WALK TO REMEMBER -2011

The Unofficial Version of Mitch Carmody

Mitch-Carmody-

The first time I met Mitch Carmody was at a MEET AND GREET for those who had all “Friended” The Compassionate Friends / USA on Facebook.  We were all attending the annual National Conference in Arlington, 2010.   It was my first time at a TCF Conference…and my very first bereavement event at a National level.  I was a bit unnerved in this room filled with about 60 people with whom I shared the distinction of paying the highest dues ever to become part of an organization: The Death Of Our Child.

I remember, very well, seeing this “hippie appearing guy”, colorful bandana wrapped around his head, psychedelic sneakers, all bright colors and vibrancy, in stark comparison to my very somber and dull “just a year past my daughter’s death” demeanor and matching attire. He smiled a lot, but was genuine.  There was no masking behind his eyes.  I was intrigued.

As we did the “go around”, introducing ourselves and our children who no one could see, but who never leave us, I didn’t hear his name.  I was still very foggy, groggy, pretty newly bereaved.  I couldn’t say, then, that I was “glad to be at the conference”, because the word “GLAD”, among so many others, had died from my vocabulary, the same night that my daughter took her final earth breath….Being THERE was GOOD FOR ME; even necessary, as it turned out, to Begin my Survival, but experiencing “happy” emotion was, still, beyond my reach.

What I do remember about this “hippie-like guy” was him saying that it was Wonderful (how could a bereaved parent experience, “Wonderful”? I remember thinking) that we all had Facebook to find each other, to communicate with each other, to support each other, without ever having to leave home.  When his son had died, some twenty-two years before, there was an aloneness, a separateness, a struggle within the pain, without the instant support and caring of others who understood.  He spoke of how blessed we were to have THIS; to have each other.  He exuded warmth and sincerity.  And even though I knew from my own mom’s experience of continuing to live 64 years after the death of her first born, that we DO GO ON, I was amazed that here was this man; this FATHER, attending a TCF Conference, walking, talking, and even smiling and laughing, two decades after burying his only son.

I liked this guy, immediately.

But then, I have always been a sucker for facial hair and a person who isn’t afraid to stand out from the crowd.  Shades of him reminded me of The-Me-I-Used-To-Be ~ Alive, Colorful, Vibrant.

I was surprised the next day when I walked into a workshop

WHISPERS OF LOVE  ~ SIGNS OF OUR CHILDREN

To find this bereaved dad, whose name was listed in the program as Mitch Carmody, Kelly’s Dad, as The Presenter.   The workshop was held in the largest auditorium space and was overflowing.

I felt the connection between us grew, as I listened to him speak about SPIRIT SIGNS, something that I not only deeply believed in, but had experienced, greatly, first hand.  At the end of the workshop, Mitch was surrounded by dozens of people wishing to meet him, talk to him, share their experiences, and I was no exception.  He patiently made time for everyone.  He seemed not only intrigued  by a couple of the stories that I shared, but exhilarated by hearing them…..
my personal relationship with Mitch Carmody had begun!

There are some people in life whom I feel we are destined to meet; who maybe on some little understood spiritual level, have been placed in our path at exactly the right and needed time.   Mitch is one of those individuals for me.   Knowing him, being with him, is like a loving embrace for the soul.  At that first conference for me, Mitch was present when I received an touching spirit sign from Robyn.  I know that every time he sees a robin, now, he is connected to me and to My Girl.

It was BECAUSE of Mitch, through Mitch, that I met his “Bother From Another Mother”, Alan Pedersen…and while that is ANOTHER story, it is a Connected Story.  Had I not “accidentally and coincidentally” walked into a workshop where Mitch was doing interpretive sign to music in a SONGS OF SORROW workshop, my life could very easily be in a much darker place now.  Alan and Mitch, together, opened a lighter window in my heart that had darkened.

I can pinpoint about 5 people, other than my unbelievable rock of a husband, and my son, who not only helped me to keep walking, talking and taking Baby Steps at the beginning of My Grief over Robyn, but who influenced me in depths of Intentional Survival-ship that I did not even understand at the time.   Mtch is at the top of that list.♥

Mitch and Bettie frame