Sometimes there are such challenging issues in your heart and on your mind.Â You need to talk.Â But it is hard to talk and so many of the people in the â€œcivilian worldâ€Â just arenâ€™t people that you can turn to for comfort or answers anymore.Â They might TRY to understand, but they Â DONâ€™T KNOW what you are experiencing.Â They arenâ€™t living it as you are.Â They havenâ€™t lost their child, their sibling or their grandchild.Â And, making it even worse, some of them just donâ€™t want to hear about it.Â Some of them act as if your loved oneâ€™s death is contagious.Â And so much of the time, you end up feeling very alone, confused, angry, sad, depressed and questioningâ€¦
Â It is really Good to Talk With Those Who Understand.
Â And so you go, maybe hesitantly at first, to your First Compassionate Friends Meeting.Â It is a room where others â€œGet Itâ€.Â They, too, are bereaved parents, grandparents, siblings who would give anything to have their loved one back with them, happy, healthy and embracing life together.
But even in the safety of the room, you may not be able to voice what is in your heart or on your mind.Â Or maybe there is something that you think would make a really good topic of discussion for the group, but you just arenâ€™t comfortable brining it up yet.Â That is where the ASK IT BASKET comes into play.
Â At every meeting,Â THE ASK IT BASKET is there to receive your questions, comments, concerns, ideas for future topicsâ€¦your needsâ€¦.either anonymously or including your contact information.Â White Cards are earmarked for non-pressing concerns or suggestions of future discussion topics.Â Colored Cards are reserved for issues that you really WANT or NEED to talk about that evening.Â
Cards could simply say one or two words
Â â€œHOLIDAYS! Â HELP!â€
Â Or might describe a personally difficult situationÂ â€œI have barely heard from someone that I thought was a friend to both my daughter and myself, but other than the first month, I have barely heard from her.Â I felt as if I lost her, too, so I got in touch and she pushed me away, telling me that she wanted no further contact with me in this lifetime because it hurts too much to see my email address in her box.Â I asked her to get together to talk about it, but she refuses and told me in no uncertain terms that the door is closed.Â It is more hurt upon hurt.Â I know that there isnâ€™t a solution, but I feel even worse than before I got in touch with her.Â Why do people hurt you so much more, when you are already broken over the death of your child? Â How much can I take!?!â€
Â TCF East Of the River CT Members donâ€™t have to wait for a meeting, though, to submit their issues or ideas.Â Email notes to TCFEastOfTheRiverCT@gmail.com are always welcomed, as are phone calls and everyone who desires a response will receive one promptly.
Â All of us at The Compassionate Friends â€œGet itâ€ and though every experience is unique, there are deep commonalities and hearts of understanding.â™¥